 |
To Jerran: / Liz Mains (Friend)
To my sweet Jerran:
Although I could never express in words my love for you, or the time we had, I want you to know how much you meant to me.
I had never felt such love and passion from a person before in my life, and haven’t since. Jerran, you became my everything…my friend, my love, the person I trusted, the first person I called for anything. I loved you with everything I could give, and you gave that back to me, three fold. You taught me so many things; how to love unconditionally – in the good and the bad, how to smile, and laugh, how to be myself, how to go after your dreams, and not let anyone, or anything, stop you, that letting someone in was a good thing, how to drive a VW bug (stick), and even how to “tag” (although I could never live up to yours).
I am so sad Jeffrey doesn’t remember you, and will never get the opportunity to meet you again. Your love and tenderness for him was the most raw form of compassion and morality. He’s 9 now, in third grade, doing well in school, and a great person. He is respectful, gentle, and loving, just like you. He loves sports, art, music, he likes to read, and always wants to do the right thing. I will forever be grateful to you that you showed me and my son how a real man should be.
You surprised me every day. You opened my eyes to new things: The Roots, hip hop, and vinyl, your past, spray paint, cars, your friends, special places, parties, art, things I didn’t even think was art, strange places, the hotel biz, elegant dinners, cheap dinners (“lunch” at Hello Deli) and flowers J. You surprised me even more when you wanted in my life: being a mother, no driver’s license for a year, high school graduation, my past, country music, college, working out, my parents and my son. Thinking back I never was in awe of it all; we just meshed these things together, and accepted each other for who we were.
I know its water under the bridge, but I am TRULY, and SINCERELY sorry, to you and your family, for certain things I said and caused. We all know what happened, and why, but I just want you all to know, again.
Jerran I miss you, and still love you. I believe now, looking back, whether or not you knew God’s plan, consciously, or subconsciously, that you let me go to live my life to the fullest. We had so many conversations how scared and anxious you were about your condition … After I left, and moved, I thought about calling you. I even picked up the phone and called information several times, but only to learn it was unlisted. I even drove by your house when I came to town, but you and your parents had moved. This haunts me. Could I have talked with you again? Would I have at least be able to see you again? Would the outcome be different? If you have taught me nothing else, you taught me that letting go for the right reasons is the most loving, noble and compassionate thing you can do for another person, even if they don’t understand. That loving a person wholeheartedly means that you do what’s right for them, not yourself. Thank you for loving me that much.
Your mom tracked me down a couple of years after you died; I hadn’t had a home phone for awhile. She left a message. I knew. I guess I had felt/known it for some time. I wept immediately and searched for your obituary on the online Albuquerque Journal; and there you were. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe you were gone, that I hadn’t been there. I am left with the love you gave me, the life lessons you taught me, the music you loved, and most of all the memories we shared, nothing can take that away. You will always be a part of me.
Jerran, I feel you now, like somehow, you’re watching over me and Jeffrey, somewhere I hear you, you are part of my cloud of witnesses, my soul mate. I know you’re in a wonderful place, spending time with those who passed before you, friends, family, painting, drawing, spinning, and listening to the most amazing music that my ears have never heard, and doing it all in spectacular surrounding, like nothing on earth, with God there loving you. I will see you again, I will meet you in a silver convertible bug, on the Mesa, when the stars are twinkling, and the air is sweet. I will continue to pray for your family, think of you, live my life to the fullest possible and love you until I see you next. I love you, Liz. XOXO.
Joyce, Lyle, Daniel: Thank you for always being there for me. You all are compassionate, loving, kind and understanding, and the reason that Jerran was the person he was. I am sorry you lost your son, brother and friend. I pray that God’s loving hand with be on you, and that his spirit comfort you. I love you.
1st Corinthians 13: If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child; I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. |
Tributes and Condolences
Add to favorites 
